Want to change life, where to start (lots to read, watch out!)?

so for the past year and a half my life has started to take a turn for the worst. ive always been diagnosed with panic and anxiety/depression disorders. but it has started to control my life, it hasn't happened all at once, but slowly this year its gotten worse and worse as to where i don't leave the house much, i can only go about 2 blocks and i start to have major panic attacks and have to return home, ive gained alot of weight because ive become inactive. all i do is sit around or sit at friends houses. im starting my senior year in high school soon and i really need a job, but this panic keeps me from getting a job. im 18 and feel like im never going to make it in the real world. i always feel lazy, i try to find fun things to do but its hard when i cannot leave and go for a walk or go downtown. im only comfortable if i have a ride with some one. this has made my relationship with my girlfriend stressful, as we do not do a whole lot. and we fight alot, we may go to the movies once but other then that its to stressful for me to leave or go places. I use to be able to walk alone anywhere i pleased as long as i want. when i was about 14 i started getting panic attacks, but i had them under control, now i cannot control them. i feel like im not interested in anything. i just sit around the house doing absolutely nothing. i use to see a counselor, i stopped going to one because this year i felt like nothing was working. i made an appointment in a week to see my old counselor. i just don't know what to do and how to change all of this mess. i have 5 siblings and out of those 5 my oldest brother was the only sibling i spent a significant amount of time with. he was more a father to me then my own dad. (ive had issues with my dad not being around when i was 10 years old and started first going to counseling because of issues with my dad doing drugs, and just not being around) but anyway i lost my older brother to crime, hes spending 12 years in prison. it was really hard for me being 14 to lose my only real father figure. up untill now i never linked that to the isolation feeling which may have caused the start of my agoraphobia like state. i havent left the house on my own in almost 2 years now. I just want to be independent and be able to be on my own.. im 18 and i feel like a child, i feel like i cant be on my own or i panic... is going to a counselor the first step to take for recovery? i just want to be able to go out side and enjoy everything around me.



my girlfriend says i dont try, all i do is talk about wanting to change but still just sit inside, is this really whats holding me back? i mean i dont have any motivation to go just around the block every day let alone try to go further and further each day. i feel like it wont help at all just going for a walk isnt an accomplishment. i dont know where to take or what to do for my fist steps on getting better. im 18 and dont have a job, i feel like a loser.Want to change life, where to start (lots to read, watch out!)?
Firstly, I think considering your eating and sleeping habits could help. I have a friend who has a mild anxiety disorder and I find she's always worse when she hasn't been eating or sleeping properly. Look up some breathing exercises and things like that too; anything that will help your body de-stress and work at its best condition.



I think also recognizing the circle of destruction that's in your life would help to. You get an anxiety attack, negative things happen, your anxiety grows, negativity, anxiety, negativity, etc. It's not just a mental condition, but a frame of mind too. I know it can be hard, but you have to remember the positive side of things. I also think you have to deal with your past, but you seem to recognize that already. Talking is probably the best way through that.



All in all, I think seeing a councilor is a good idea. Your school councilor is also there to help. You can probably also find online forums and support groups for anxiety; I would bet the people there have better advice than here and they would probably also understand the situation better.



Also, don't listen to that girlfriend of yours. The fact that you're posting this means you're trying the best way you can to face this and not run away--which I think is very courageous.Want to change life, where to start (lots to read, watch out!)?
agoraphobia is loosely termed as fear of the market place....i have it. its worse when i got to walmart or Costco's. my mom was diagnosed along with my other 2 sisters, it gets worse not better... the only way i dealt is when i did small things until i got comfortable like going to the corner store now i know the guy by name little by little i now can go to the grocery store without waiting in the car with my sun glasses and hat lol. i know how debilitating it can be just do things one thing at a time until you master your fear, if it helps my thought that helps me is whats the worst that can happen then i play out the scenario
yea you do need help and a hospital too i know of a great one in new york but i feel your worst problem is you want people to feel sorry for you and do things for you so you don't have to buck up and get a job
did not read it all, but from what i see just watch the secret on youtube youll be amazed and have God in your life and evrything will go swell.