How to do a 180 degree life change? I may be a douche bag...?

I am 25 years old and just recently I am starting to really see the path my life has taken. I always thought I was a decent dude, but I am starting to see that I may be a big ******...



I had a 4 year relationship, where I thought my ex did everything she could to make me miserable, but the truth is, I made my self miserable. I didnt try in the relationship, I was controlling, jealous, I didnt ever go out with her friends or even try to get to know them. And when she did mess up just one time, i never let her forget it....



With my friends im cheap ***, and wont spend a penny when we go out but will drink my *** off on their dollar and make a fool of my self. In some ways im becoming ';that dude'; you know the one you hesitate to bring to the party and find that really nobody EVER asks to go out on the weekends.



In college and even now I am lazy, I dont try or care about anything, but I do go to great lengths to make it seem like I care. As to justify a reason to always look like im busy or occupied.

I try to hold a proud image of myself, but within 2 weeks everybody in my job is starting to see the Swiss cheese personality and character flaws left and right.



Even my thoughts are not healthy, and It seems like people can even see the stuff going on in my head and I get the impression people (women) are uncomfortable around me.



The only real progress I have made over the last couple years is that I have gotten better at hiding or faking it. It may be better in some ways that im not AS obvious but it sucks to know that you are just conning your own life.



I read self help, I have listened to audio tapes, I thought about being a better person and have even tried. but the things that scares me the most is that this is who I am, and some things you just cant change. When I reflect back several year I see the same person looking the mirror.



Do you have any suggestions to pulling off a 180 or even 90 degree life change?How to do a 180 degree life change? I may be a douche bag...?
start by getting involved in a cause or do some charity workHow to do a 180 degree life change? I may be a douche bag...?
Sounds like you have already taken the first step: being more self aware, and trying to understand how others feel about your behavior.



Second step: join a group therapy social-process group, or see a psychologist if you have the resources. In the former, they work on social skills building and interpersonal relationships and identity development. In the latter, they do the same but one on one. Either might be worth a try.



Best wishes.
I will tell you what I did and how it changed my life. My wife, as beautiful as she is, at 70 years old looks like she's forty and a very nice figure. Left me. My daughters didn't want to talk to me. So, I started counsaling.

I found out through myself that I was intimidationg, forcful, overbearing, scary. A ';know it all'; beause, I did, know everything.



I joined a Benevolent society through the church to help others. I saw the pain others were going through just to live. To keep a sane life they had to struggle a day at a time while jerks like me whiled their time laughing at people like this.

I began to see the point and wanted to help. It was aiding me at the same time. As I grew, they grew with me or, I should say I grew with them.

I also found a stronger relationship with my God then I had before. I found out how bad I needed God in my life. I always felt I could handle every situation that came along, how wrong was I ? to even think such a thing.



I started reaching out to others. Ones I wouldn't speak with before, I reached out to speak with now, asking questions, reading books I never thought of before. My wife slowly noticed me and saw I was changing. She now saw that I was someone else and wanted to become part of me again.



It's been like a reknewal in life again. I only want to say that you have to look deep inside of you to see others.